The culture of the Congolese people is so different in so many ways but probably the most difficult for me to understand is the bride price. Yes. They still buy their wives. The eldest uncle does the bartering. Cash and very specific gifts. Ofttimes the dowery cannot be met so the unmarried couple moves in with the parents and they start their family. It is so ingrained into the culture. Even in the church. The church is trying to have some influence on that but it will be a long process.
So if that wasn't shocking enough.........Our office manager came in Monday and announced he was adopting his neice. Age 8. It's his brothers daughter. His brother passed away from malaria 5 years ago. I asked where the mother of this girl was. She is alive and well. In the Congolese culture, children belong to the father and the fathers family. If the father passes away the child becomes the property of the fathers family. Insert our office manager. So for the past five years the eldest uncle of the mothers family has been bartering with the deceased fathers family. They finally came to an agreement. 500.00 cash. And very specific gifts. It could be a new couch for an aunt. A dress and shoes for a grandmother. Lots and lots of specific gifts. Then the fathers family takes the young girl and adopts her. For a price. I was careful in my questions and respectful but I expressed that as a mother I could not imagine 'selling' my child. It is such a part of this culture that it is just the normal and right thing to do. They don't see it as selling at all. Its just how things are done. I know in time things will change but it's still shocking to hear these stories!
Now the above picture is very special to our family. Its a picture of our grandsons 'forever day'. 10 years ago today Everett Jay Phair was sealed to our youngest daughter and her husband in the Medford Oregon Temple. Her Grandpa (my dad) sealed them together forever in the house of the Lord. A special and selfless couple were willing to part with their son so that my daughter could be a mother. Forever grateful for their decision. I can only imagine how difficult that must have been. They were young and knew that he would have a better life with Nic and Alli. The stark difference in adoptions is not lost on me. Happy forever day Everett!
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